What’s Wrong?

Is there something wrong with me?  There must be!  These are supposed to be my ‘golden years’ and the time of life when you relax and enjoy all the things you dreamt about when you were working.

It’s just my nature I know, but I seem to be busier and more stressed than ever.  I’ve decided to try and stop watching the news and  all the talking heads on television – it really starts my day off wrong.  It will be extremely difficult since it is a lifelong habit.  I literally sit for hours listening to their disclosures, getting frustrated and madder by the minute.  I’ve got to stop…..

Family of course is at the center of everything for me.  The more your family matures it seems the more challenges and obstacles come to you.  I already worry about everything!  I don’t know how many times I just want to screen the call and not answer – call them back later.  Sometimes I answer and just sit mutely – Wendy gets the message in a hurry.  “Oh, I can tell you’re bored!” she’ll say.  Or, “Are you on the computer, I can hear you typing?  I’ll call you later when you can talk.”  I really tend to hate the telephone.  I detest it when Ron passes it off to me without even finding out if the person really wanted to speak to me.

Every phone call bring some apprehension – which is just wrong.  Why can’t I expect good news?  (Like someone calling to tell me that a long lost relative has left me a fortune).  The reason is that that has not been a part of my experiential background.  The phone has traditionally brought bad news or no news – depending on who you’re talking to.  The other day my niece Stacy called  while I wasn’t home.  Ron told me about the call and said, “She was really crying”.  A million different negative possibilities went through my head… then to top it off I couldn’t get through.  I spent 4 hours worrying about what was wrong, only to have her respond when I finally got her, “Oh nothing, I was just emotional because I got the wedding scrapbook you made for me”.  Four hours! !!!        

Gasoline is the biggest rip–off going.  There’s no shortage and the gas companies continue to earn their biggest profits ever.  They close refineries just to slow down production.    We spent $40.00 going to Grand  Junction in Ron’s big truck the other day – so I made the trip more meaningful by buying something big to make the trip worthwhile.  The source of so many trips for us to Grand  Junction is the VA clinic.  This time it was a 15 minute visit to tell him he won’t need to come again for a year.  Duhhhh… What the oil prices do to propane is obscene.  I’m wondering if we need to take out a loan to pre-buy for the coming winter.

I find I hate going to the store because not only have food prices risen so high I can’t believe it.  At least I consider everyone in this same boat with me so it’s not so catastrophic.   The problem magnifies when your kids want to get in your part of the boat and share.  We always laugh because Wendy regularly shops in our pantry.  Ethan even tells her not to buy something at the store because she can probably get it at Noni’s and Papa’s.  I really don’t always enjoy cooking anymore either.  Gosh,  haven’t I cooked just about every dish I know at least a million times each?  I’m tired of cooking.  Everything is just a repeat of something I’ve already done.  It’s always wonderful to get something new, exciting and delicious.  I just don’t want to invent it or cook it.  Enough!!!!

Health care is the other major thorn  in my side right now.  I really am too smart for the room I guess… I look at too much TV news.  I have read in the last few months about the debacle in congress when they were getting ready to pass the Medicare Prescription Plan.  There were more pharmaceutical lobbyist there than congressmen.    There was so much arm twisting of the congressmen by a select few and once the bill was passed, those select politicians went on to become lobbyist themselves, at salaries topping more than 2 million dollars.  Then, I read in the AARP Newsletter that despite the promise to keep drug costs down for seniors, three months after the bill passed, most of the drugs used most often by seniors were quietly increased 6.7%.  That is why I get so angry every time I see that TV commercial encouraging viewers to write their congressmen and tell them to leave the Medicare RX bill alone.  All of my prescriptions went up this year from $1.00 to $12.00 per prescription.

There is something wrong with me.  It’s not all about money – it’s everything1  The lack of honesty and integrity.  The people we’re supposed to trust having feet of clay….

All of it is my fault without a doubt.  I bring it on.  I allow it to happen and overwhelm me.  Only I, with God’s grace, can do something to stop my incessant whining.  I’m trying to figure it out!