I Did It and I’m Not Sorry

This is the most difficult topic so far.  I can’t think of anything I’ve ever done that was wrong (except the other ones I’ve already written about).  It took a lot of musing to finally come up with something.

I could write a lot about foolish things I’ve done in Las Vegas, but almost every time, I truly regretted it.    I guess I’ll have to write about the food rules I break.  I’ve had diabetes for more than 22 ears.  Just this last week offers a prime example of how bad I can be.  I really detest the fact that I am diabetic, since it means I really have to watch my diet very carefully – absolutely everything seems to be verboten!

Sugar, sodium, carbohydrates and saturated fats on a regular basis can be deadly to a diabetic.  When I’m not nervous or under great pressure, I can handle this set of restrictions.  It seems though that those times have been rarer and rarer.

The only reason that I have been able to lose any weight at all is because I have conscientiously tried to be cognizant of food contents and avoided those that contain the lethal ingredients.  I’ve even taken classes while I have lived in Montrose that was designed to help me learn to balance my diet.  All the doctors and class instructors have said that it’s okay to have a sweet every once in a while, just don’t over due it!!!!   I really want to do the right thing because I’ve seen the damage this disease can do.  I don’t ever want to have to take insulin shots or have any more damage done to my system.

During a recent visit to California for our annual family reunion on 4^th of July I blew everything.  I knew what I was doing and I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway.  My favorite foods all of my life have been desserts – not just sweets, but desserts.  Most of my paternal family has the same problem.  They always make the best desserts.  Ron can usually take them or leave them so you would think that would make it easier for me to handle the dilemma.  It usually is at home, but in restaurants and at family gatherings I can always find my favs.

I usually talk so much that I cruise through most meals and don’t ever over do them.  My cousin Paulette had so much food, plus all the food brought by others it was overwhelming.  Ron and I brought two pies from Marie Callender’s – lemon meringue and apple (two that I love).  I had a brat and some greens that everyone was raving about – that was it.  Not even any bread. 

A few hours later when the fireworks were over and some people were leaving, Paulette discovered she had two gigantic strawberry and cream cakes and about 5 pies left including the lemon one we had brought.  She was distressed about what she was to do with all the sweets.  I decided I’d have just a little piece of pie.  A lady who I didn’t even know came in to help slice the leftover desserts.  I somehow was handed a double portion of the cake and then I told her I really had wanted a piece of pie.  She then promptly added that to my plate as well.  I was stunned at first, then recovered and thought.  I guess it’s just meant to be.  I went out to the patio, which was considerably darker by then and quietly ate it all. 

I was periodically assailed by guilt, but it was so good!!!!!  I did it and I don’t regret it at all.  Sure it was wrong, even foolish, but what can it hurt?  I’ll let you know when I get my A1C test back in August.

Oh, forget what I just wrote…I am really sorry for what I did.  Like most sins, it was fun while it lasted.